The Waltz

This short story by Dorothy Parker was one of the first readings assigned for this class that has actually made me laugh out loud while reading it. Throughout the story, the narrator switches between cordial speech with a young man that has just asked her to dance and an internal voice that she uses to express her true feelings to the readers.

Her blatant use of hyperboles and sarcasm makes this story especially hilarious to me. She says, "Being struck dead would look like a day in the country, compared to struggling out a dance with this boy." Obviously she wouldn't want to be dead...but she uses this statement to express just how miserable she is. She then thinks to herself, "I'd love to waltz with you. I'd love to waltz with you. I'd love to have my tonsils out, I'd love to be in a midnight fire at sea." Okay, so a little dramatic, but which young woman isn't at some point in their lives?!

I remember those awkward middle school dances where there would always be one guy you wanted to ask you to dance...but of course everyone else and their brother asked you instead! Only thinking about dancing with your dream boy made the 3 minute long dances with everyone else feel like a lifetime!! 

She compares his spastic dancing to the "constant rush, rush, rush, that's the curse of American life." This sentence gives us a slight glimpse into what I think is a deeper meaning of the short story that perhaps relates to the norms of society at the time that the narrator can't seem to escape.

The narrator's misery seems to be never-ending as the dance drags on and on, and she says, "And the music is never going to stop playing, and we're going on like this, Double-Time Charlie and I, throughout eternity"...Time seems to move slowest when we have to do something we really don't want to do because it seems nerve-racking, horrifying, or just plain boring to us. 

She even imagines her dance partner's death after he kicks her shin "that [she's] had ever since [she] was a little girl!" He keeps stepping on her accidentally, and her whole life flashes before her eyes... 

The story ends with the music stopping, but her partner wants to pay the musician to play more songs! The narrator can't say anything to him but, "That would be lovely. And look, do tell them to play this same thing. I'd simply adore to go waltzing."

To me, this short story is so funny because I feel like anyone can relate to it in some particular way or another. I definitely have a tendency to over-exaggerate things in my head, and I know it's easy for everyone to do the same thing. Although having it in writing inside the mind of a woman stuck doing the waltz with a terrible dance partner just makes it all the more hilarious!